Understanding Engineers --- One 


Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, 'Where did you get such a great bike?'.


The second engineer replied, 'Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding  my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to  the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'


The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.'


Understanding Engineers - Two


To the optimist, the glass is half- full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Understanding Engineers - Three


A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, 'What's with those  guys ? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes !' 


The doctor chimed  in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf !' 


The priest said,  'Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him.'


He said, 'Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us ? They're  rather slow, aren't they ?'


The green-keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always  let them play for free anytime.'


The group fell silent for a moment. Then the priest said, 'That's so sad.I  think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'


The doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'


The engineer said, 'Why can't they play at night ?'


Understanding Engineers - Four


What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?


Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.


Understanding Engineers - Five


The graduate with a science degree asks, 'Why does it work ?'


The graduate with an engineering degree asks, 'How does it work ?'


The graduate with an accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost ?'


The graduate with an arts degree asks, 'Do you want fries with that ?'



Understanding Engineers - Six


Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have  designed the human body.


One said, 'It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.'


Another said, 'No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.'


The last one said, 'No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who  else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?'


Understanding Engineers - Seven


Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


Understanding Engineers - Eight


An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and  said, 'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.' He bent over,  picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.


The frog spoke up again and said, 'If you kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week.' The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.


The frog then! Cried out, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,  I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.'


Again, the  engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.


Finally, the frog asked, 'What is the matter ? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything  you want. Why won't you kiss me ?'


The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.'